Friday, July 15, 2011
My migraines are back and I woke up with one this morning. Both babies were a bit ornery today, each wanting attention (at the top of their lungs) at the same time and I'd only had 4 hrs of sleep. Plus today we are beginning the process of packing & moving into our new apartment (we have six weeks to get moved but it's a lot if work). Needless to say I'm a bit stressed. At noon Nora really needed to go down for her nap but started flailing & wiggling & fighting me when I tried to rock her as I usually do. Wyatt of course woke up & started wailing for his lunch. I decided to put Nora in her crib with her favorite doll, blanket & pillow. We co-sleep so she has never slept in her crib & generally has a melt down if she's put in it but today she went in without protest. I told her I'd be back & I took Wyatt in another room to feed him. Every once in awhile she'd call my name and I'd say I'm here but since she was calm & playing nicely in the crib I didn't go & get her out as I usually would. It took an hour to feed & settle Wyatt down. When he was happy in his bouncy seat I went to get Nora out of the crib and found her peacefully sound asleep. She looked like a little angel. She'd fallen asleep all by herself without any drama, something she's never done before. So I took the picture posted above and then sat down & had a good cry. My baby girl is growing up and becoming more independent.
Motherhood is so bittersweet. You want them to grow and become independent and yet every step they take towards that independence is a bit painful because it means they are beginning to move away from the safe loving mommy/baby world & out into the big scary real world where you can't protect them. I really want them to grow up & become strong, beautiful adults but I HATE the thought of losing my sweet babies. It's a constant process of letting go, little by little, and it's so darn HARD. So I sat and cried for a little while, staring at her angelic little baby face trying to memorize every perfect detail. Each day they both change and grow and move away from babyhood. It's beautiful & heartbreaking & a powerful reminder of how fleeting everything in life is. I'm so blessed and honored to witness these little souls evolving on their own special journey. Although sometimes its painful Life is also so very beautiful.