I felt it happening again. For some inexplicable reason I started feeling down and depressed about my blog. It started because I was feeling a bit lonely. I found myself checking my comments here to see if anyone had stopped by. It was a quiet weekend and no one commented. So the little negative voice in my head started in, "Why write? No one cares. You're wasting your time. Embarrassing yourself by sharing your private thoughts when no one even wants to hear them....." and on and on the voice went. I started thinking maybe I shouldn't bother blogging. After all I have tons of things in my real life I could spend the time on and lots of times I don't really have the energy to post anything insightful or meaningful (which is probably why I have so few visitors or commentors). The evil little voice in my head had done a good job of planting seeds of doubt.
This isn't my first blog, or even my fifth. I've been a blogger since 2001. The blogosphere is littered with my dead blogs at nearly every blogging platform out there. I could probably give a very good ecourse in how to set up blogs because I've done it for so long at so many different places. I wanted to build my own little circle of blogging friends and when my blog attracted only 3 or 4 steady commentors I would get discouraged and give up. It's a sad pattern. As a stay at home mom who lives FAR from family & friends and is generally a reserved and non social person in my real life, I need blogging as an outlet to connect with the world. Plus I've always been compelled to keep a journal and doing so online is so much easier. So not blogging is not really an option. And yet because of my evil inner critic I find myself yet again considering running away. But this time I'm trying to work through it, first by admitting my fears and blogging loneliness here and second by signing up for Blogging your Way. I'm hoping that taking a class specifically to improve my blogging will help me to figure out why I can't seem to build a community for myself. Focusing on improving my blog is a much more productive action than running away, feeling sorry for myself and then starting over at yet another blog. So that's what I'm going to do.
Besides wallowing in self doubt and loneliness this weekend I did decide to start making a few preliminary changes to my blog's appearance. I dumped my old header and background and put two new ones up. They are probably temporary, particularly the header. I put it together in about a minute and a half and it's pretty bland. Still, it's an improvement because it's more me. I love rich shades of blue, particularly periwinkle and I want to incorporate more of what I love into my blog.