Friday, August 27, 2010
Do you look back on certain times in your life & wish you could change it? Generally I am very happy with the choices I've made because they led to my husband & daughter but when I look at this blanket I do have little feelings of regret & wish I could go back in time and change the way I felt & lived my life during my 20's. I wouldn't change specific actions, instead I would give my younger self a shot of hope & joy, two things completely lacking in my twenty-something self. From around my 20th birthday until my 30th I was completely & utterly depressed. I've had bouts of depression before & since that time but during my twenties it never let up. I lived in a chronic mild depression that never let me really enjoy anything, always under the surface I felt hopeless & helpless. These thoughts weren't based on anything in my life at the time. It was just an all consuming feeling I couldn't shake & I've come to believe was some sort of chemical imbalance. Anyway, I felt that life had passed me by and I was just slogging thru my days with little purpose. It was a lost decade. I wasn't truly living my life. Around the middle of that time I had baby fever & although I had no hope of marrying or having a baby (I refused to even date, believing I was unlovable & incapable of finding a soulmate) I found myself drawn to all things baby & I bought a baby blanket embroidery kit. It took me about 5 months to complete. I sewed on it sporadically in the evenings after work & then I tucked it away in storage.i hadn't given it any thought since then. Recently I came across it and I'm thinking of giving it to Nora. Though it was made during a rough time in my life I did make it for her, the daughter I prayed & dreamed for but didn't really think would bless my life. When I look at this blanket I am even more thankful for Nora & my hubby. They truly are a dream come true for me. I've come a long way and found real happiness.
I think that as a way to remove any of the regret I feel over my lost decade, a decade which should have been a happy and carefree time of youth and exploration for me, I'm going to dress the blanket up a bit. It could use a bit of color around the border & I'm thinking of lining the back with patches made from my maternity shirts. Maybe I'll even put a few photo transfers of Nora & I on the back. We'll see. I'll think it over. It might make a nice Christmas gift for Nora and a good reminder to me to never give up hope. Dreams come true when you least expect them too.