Friday, July 23, 2010

Finding clarity in a perfect moment

I had a perfect mommy moment earlier today. Nora and I were playing together on the couch when she started acting tired so we got her fuzzy blanket and she snuggled on my chest falling asleep. It was a perfect moment of love and peace. The kind of moment you cherish as a parent, one that makes all the hard moments worthwhile.

I've had a quiet week, withdrawn from the Internet. I've been keeping up with reading my favorite blogs but I just haven't felt inspired to comment. I hope everyone understands. I'm mulling over alot of thoughts & ideas right now, trying to work out what direction I need to move in. I feel pulled in different directions. It's ironic that when I had no responsibilities & unlimited time to persue projects & dreams I was depressed and unmotivated to the point where I didn't want to get out of bed. Now I have dreams and the desire to go after them but motherhood & family life (the very thing that alleviated my depression) take up all my time. I've realized this week that right now my family has to take top priority. These early years are so important and I can't get them back once they pass. The creative dreams have to take a back seat. I will make time for them but it can't be my full time occupation. I think this week of withdrawal has been a little bit about mourning the days of doing whatever I wanted, days I squandered and achieved nothing. I regret not following through, not persuing my dreams and goals during that time. Regret is hard to live with. I am determined that even though I can't devout all my time to my dreams I won't give up and do nothing. My steps may be small but I will move forward. And I'm OK with that.


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