Friday, July 17, 2009
Today I forgot to eat breakfast and ate two small slices of a frozen pizza for lunch before putting the rest away for left overs. In the past I'd often eat 3/4ths of the frozen pizza by myself and then pick the cheese off the left over slices which is just one example of how I've gotten myself up to a size 28. I was expecting that with pregnancy I'd be starving morning noon and night, gobbling up anything and everything in sight and gaining even more massive quantities of weight. Weirdly enough, since becoming pregnant I'm not even a 10th as interested in food as I use to be (food obsessions seem to have been replaced by sleep obsessions instead :) ) and I've gained only 3 pounds so far. I can take food or leave it, something I haven't experienced since my teen years. I'm just not really hungry and I'm not eating out of boredom or doing any emotional eating as I've always done. In fact I often have to make myself eat because I keep forgetting about it. I have no idea why food has lost it's appeal to me right now. Maybe it's because of pregnancy hormones or maybe because I'm taking tons of vitamins & my body isn't craving all the food it use to but whatever it is, I'm enjoying not being controlled by my compulsions for food. For nearly 20 years it's been an obsession and now food means almost nothing to me. Talk about getting a monkey off your back, it's so liberating! I only hope and pray that this continues. It would be a miracle to me if I could just have a normal relationship with food again. I want to be able to give my child or children a healthy, balanced approach to nutrition and to do so I know I really have to set a good example through my own eating habits. It would be a lot easier for me if food continues to just not matter as much. Maybe this baby has literally filled the emptiness inside me that led to all the compulsive eating. I can only hope, and also try to use this time to retrain my eating habits and the way I've been thinking about food my whole life. This is not an effect of pregnancy that I was expecting, but I'm thankful for it none the less.