Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Mind Control

I've spent most of my life feeling as if I were at war with my body, blaming it for my weight issues and unhealthiness. But lately I've come to realize that my body isn't the problem. My body doesn't actually want to be stuffed full of junk food. My body doesn't really love laying around and atrophying. In fact my body only wants enough food to keep it functioning and it actually likes to be moved around on occasion. Unfortunately  I've spent my entire life refusing to listen to the subtle signals my body sends and have instead been guiding myself by the pleasure seeking, instant gratification loving voice of my subconcious, my id. It's the quiet but insistent little voice that whispers to me "Resse's Peanut Butter Cups sure sound yummy." and then before I even realize what's happening I'm checking out of the grocery store with candy bars, soda & all the junk food I can carry. Now that I'm working to create a healthier lifestyle I'm also trying to reprogram my thinking. For far too long I've given in to what is easy, what feels good in the moment, instead of doing what I know is right & good for me. I'm trying to quiet those urges for bad things and strengthen my desire for all the "healthy stuff".  At 35 I'm trying to teach myself moderation and consistent discipline/self control (not just deprivation to achieve the loss of 10 lbs, but a permanent change towards a healthy lifestyle). It sure ain't easy!!!  So far this month I've done really well. When bad thoughts urging me to eat things I shouldn't pop into my head I immediately jump on them and start explaining to myself why those thoughts are a bad idea and talking myself out of them. Sometimes it's quite a mental wrestling match but so far I'm winning. My craving this week has been for fried chicken. What I wouldn't give for some KFC! But I'm not eating meat anymore, and I'm definitely not eating deep fried fast food. So instead I've bought some vegetarian "chicken" nuggets made of soy or tofu or something, and I have those when the cravings are too strong and reasoning with them isn't working. The nuggets do have a similar texture to chicken and it tricks my subconscious into believing I'm having meat. I've also found a really good vegetarian chili that's very satisfying. It's a comfort food that's actually good for me since it's packed full of beans and veggies. I need to find more of those, healthy substitutes for the foods I love.

My husband is nothing like me when it comes to his relationship with food. Because he's trying to lower his cholesterol as much as possible over the next 3 months to avoid having to go on medication, he's decided not to eat anything with any cholesterol in it.
Which basically means he's eating lots of fruits & veggies and vegan type foods. If he thinks of eating something and then discovers it has cholesterol or saturated fats he just puts it back and goes on about his business.It doesn't really matter to him that he can't have certain things. I'd be pulling out my hair, bemoaning my fate and dying from food cravings.For him, food is just food. It doesn't have emotional connotations. He can take it or leave it. I want to be like that!!!

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