I'm sorry I haven't been updating and posting much lately. Some of it is because we've been out of town but mostly I just didn't feel like I had much of importance to say. I've been visiting everyone elses journals, though not commenting much. I just haven't felt much like spilling my own thoughts. Perhaps it's because they seem to be scattered, flying 6 different directions at once, so it's hard to put all that into words.
I haven't been focusing on self improvement or dieting at all and I'm fairly sure I'm right back up to my starting weight, around 300 :(. Although that doesn't make me happy at all, it isn't destroying me either. It's just something that is, basically. Just a fact, a part of who I am. I can and will do something about it but I'm not obsessing really. Some of this has to do with a little project I started, inspired by Anne over at Body of Work. She requested people send her photos of themselves and so I've been working on a collage of photos of myself over the years. Looking at those photos has really given me a different perspective on my life, and my weight. I'll write more on that later when I finish the collage and post it here. All I really meant to say right now is that my weight is just one small area of my life and not the defining issue right now. And that is a really good thing.
One of my online classes started today. I love taking classes but I've lost my passion for the subject matter, as I mentioned in a recent post. I really feel that I've done as much as I want, and need, to do as a preschool teacher. I want to explore something new, find a new direction. I guess I still haven't figured out what I want to do when I grow up. Maybe for me there isn't just one thing. Maybe I was meant to do several different careers in my life. Well see. For now I'm finishing up these courses that I've already signed up for and next semester I'll try out something else. I may still take a part time position in a daycare next year, just for a little extra spending money and the added experience, but I know it's not a field I'm going to stay in much longer. Maybe I need to see a career counselor to figure out what I should do next :). Or I'll just do a little online research of my own.
I've got lots of projects I need to work on right now and time management is not one of my strengths currently. I have to clean out our office area so that we can put in new desks (yippee, I'll no longer be sitting at a teeny tiny kids desk stuck in a corner!). I want to work on making a calender of my my photography and it needs to be done before the end of the month so it's available for Christmas. Plus we are set to take two little trips this month. From the 20th thru the 25th we'll be up in the Sierra Nevada mountains (about an hour and a half east of Sacramento i believe) for a horse show we love, The Draft horse Classic. Ugh that reminds me of another post I need to write here about self- esteem & weight issues, more on that later I guess. Then the last weekend of the month we are going to Phoenix to attend a figure skating show. I'm SOOO looking forward to that! It's a show that's being taped for broadcast on TV so unfortunately we won't be able to take any photographs but I'll get to see my very favorite skater, Katia Gordeeva, and her family so that thrills me.
Yikes, just thinking of all the stuff I should be doing makes me feel guilty sitting here writing a journal entry. I'd better get busy doing SOMETHING! :)