Thursday, March 8, 2007

My reasons & thoughts on blogging

I really want to be more active with my journal & post lots of interesting, witty things about my life & doings. Unfortunately, nothing witty ever seems to come to mind. Maybe that's because instead of just writing for myself I'm thinking too often of who might be reading what I write & what they might think of me. Very very silly since I'm fairly sure no one ever reads here, nor should I care what anyone else thinks of me. I should just write to please myself, write about what I'm thinking and feeling at the moment, & tomorrow probably contradict myself by thinking & feeling completely different stuff.

Maybe a bit of my worry comes from my husband. He's quite anti-blog. I think he considers it looking outside myself & our relationship for validation or something. He calls it 'going to the jury' because he thinks I put personal stuff online to be judged by my readers. He's a very private person & can't understand what I get from journaling. So, his dislike of journals makes me feel a bit guilty for posting in one. I know I could keep a traditional journal, & I have in the past, but I really prefer online journals because they are so nicely organized with all your entries archived & saved for posterity (or so we hope). And I tend to write more interesting things when I wrote online. Though maybe that will be different now that I feel self concious writing here.

What appeals to me about online journaling is the openness of it all. Baring yourself to the universe & saying "like it or not, this is who I am right now". I need more of that attitude in my life. I hate my need for approval from others & posting my real thoughts & feelings is a way to break loose from that approval seeking mentality. Also, when I write about whatever is going on inside my head I often find it cathartic. By the time I've finished writing I feel better & see more clearly. I tend to work out whatever is bothering me by writing it out. My final reason for loving journals is that it's wonderful to go back into the archives, click on a date, & be drawn into the little details I've forgotten about: like a valentine's day spent at the movies with my Mom & sister, or remembering something sweet John said 3 years ago. My memory isn't always the best & lots of lovely things get forgotten over time. A journal keeps those things alive.

So, those are my reasons for writing. I really hope to start posting more and more. I miss keeping a daily journal.

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