Monday, November 11, 2002

Loner tendencies

Quiet weekend. I haven't left the house since Friday night. No money, so why bother? It's no fun to run around when you can't buy even a can of soda. Even if I'd had money I wouldn't have gone anywhere. I just wanted to stay home and watch movies. I borrowed 10 old movies from my Grandma and I've spent the entire weekend in my room watching them. I've exchanged maybe 2 dozen sentences with various family members but other than that have been completely on my own. I VERY,VERY rarely feel lonely or unhappy when I'm all alone. I know some people that can't stand to be alone for more than a few hours. I wonder if I'm weird?? Probably. I have serious hermit tendencies. It isn't that I don't like and enjoy other people. I just don't feel like I really need them. I'm content on my own. A significant other would be nice, but not because I really need the company. Mainly it would be nice for the physical aspect. I like to touch. Also, it would be nice to occasionally have someone to bounce my thoughts off of. I worry that I'm toomuch of a loner though and might be annoyed if someone was always around, underfoot and in my space. It's been so long, I can't really imagine what it would be like to share my life with someone. I'm sure it would be a big adjustment.

I've spent the last few hours listening to music and making a cassette to use when I walk track. I'm on a Robbie Williams kick. The Englishman sent me some Robbie Williams CD's and I'm hooked on him. I found a picture of R.W online and I'm using it as my screensaver today.

The diet over the weekend went fine, which surprised me. I usually have a bad time with the weekends. I am craving Dove Dark Chocolate pretty badly but I haven't given in to temptation. I've decided against weighing myself each week. I really want to but I know it's not a good idea. I'll just see that the weight loss is slow and lose heart, probably binge. I'll weigh only once a month, on the first of each month. That way I won't get all freaked out and obsessive about the scale. This is all suppose to be about changing my life, improving my health and feeling better. It's not just about the end result, the weight loss. It's about the process and taking control of myself. I have to remind myself of that every so often. I've felt better this past week than I have in a very long time.

My russian penpal finally wrote. It's been two weeks and I was just about to drop him an email but he beat me too it.

I'm off to watch Penny Seranade. That movie is so great! Cary Grant begging a judge not to take his adopted baby daughter away is one of my all time favorite scenes in any movie. It makes me cry to see such a strong, manly kinda guy break like that. I have the same reaction when I see Liam Neeson at the end of Schindler's List.

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