Saturday, October 19, 2002

A little anniversary

Thirteen years ago today I lost my virginity. I was seventeen and falling fast for my first love. I can still see him in my minds eye. He was beautiful with soft black hair and crystal blue eyes. I wanted to spend my life worshiping him. God we were both so young! He was even younger than I, yet we were sure we'd be together a life time. We lasted only 4 intense years.

Then he woke up one morning and decided he was done. My soul fragmented into a million pieces that took many years to put back together, but I came out stronger. I don't begrudge the pain I went through then because it made me who I am. I was so innocent and unformed, devastation (and a little nervous breakdown) made me grow up. Once you've been crushed by life you learn a higher level of empathy and compassion for others. You know how easily a spirit can be broken and how much a kind word can mean to a person on the edge. It's an important lesson to learn.

I wonder where he is now and what he's doing? I wonder if he remembers? I realized not long ago that I no longer dream of him. He comes into my thoughts only rarely now. The pain of losing him has passed away completely, something I never dreamed possible. Sadly, the love has also passed. I thought I would love him forever. I was wrong. Yet I don't regret a moment.

Love is an amazing and precious gift, even the memory of love should be treasured.

No comments:

Post a Comment